A couple years ago, the subscription sign-up for www.BeliefsoftheHeart.com stopped working. Apparently, it had died without telling me. It accepted the entry of readers’ name and email address—everything looked fine—except it didn’t create a subscription or send out links to new articles. It had been comatose for months.
I began a frantic scramble to resurrect it. I worked nonstop from 3:30 in the afternoon until 9:30 that evening. At that point, my site crashed: everything stopped working. I went to bed with restless dreams of software viruses, woke early, coordinated four help centers, got my site breathing on a ventilator, jury-rigged an email signup form, and published an article.
It took me eleven perspiring hours, but I got it done. As an afterthought, I took my prayer time, beginning with My Utmost for His Highest. I read:
Every element of our own self-reliance must be put to death by the power of God. The moment we recognize our complete weakness and our dependence upon Him will be the very moment that the Spirit of God will exhibit His power.
I felt those sentences were personally written for me. I hadn’t really resuscitated my website “in the power of God.” I certainly didn’t recognize my complete weakness. I just leaned into my self-reliance.
My work had the stench of human sweat rather than the fragrance of the Father.
Natural Strengths
For twenty-five years, I worked in software support, often working on problems that could cost my clients tens of thousands of dollars, or their jobs. Compared with those situations, my little busted email sign-up form was a tempest in a teapot.
And I felt competent to talk with hotline support and perform the simple setup directions. I probably asked God for help under my breath, but mostly I was confident. I had been an expert.
An old adage says, “There are no atheists in foxholes.” But let’s apply it to believers like me. When I’m in deep trouble, something I know I cannot handle, I turn to God; maybe not perfectly, but at least eagerly.
But when I have a proficiency, I rest on my expertise. And you can always tell I’m resting in my aptitude by looking at my attitude. Symptoms of leaning on my own strengths include:
- Preoccupation: During my website failure, I could have forgotten Christmas.
- Crabbiness: You could probably measure my irritation on the Richter Scale.
- Self-pity: My mind keeps asking, “Why does this always happen to me?”
- Fault-finding: The faults of others shine bright: “Why can’t they work as hard as me?”
It is precisely my strengths that are my biggest obstacles to the presence of God. At other times, at least in my deepest times of trouble, I remember the Psalm, “Unless the Lord builds the house.” But when I’m operating in my strengths, I’m not a pleasant person to be around.
Our Greatest Need is Need
God is attracted to the humble. Something about our open need of him is beautiful. That’s why Jesus proclaimed, “Blessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven” (Matt. 5:3) and David sang, “The sacrifices of God are a broken spirit; a broken and contrite heart, O God, you will not despise” (Psalm 51:17).
Natural goodness is the greatest hindrance to a spirit-changed goodness. It’s not that natural strengths are bad, it just that we forget God when we obsessively operate in them.
So how do we avoid the odor of human sweat and live in the fragrance of the Father? I don’t know. But God is teaching me to grow in my need to need him.
It has that scent.
Sam
My Sister Is a Liar
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Sam, thank you again for your transparency. I believe that ” sweat ” is sometimes necessary when God allows us to see ourselves more clearly then we do. The challenges come and we prepare to meet them ! Do we fight or flee ? We all see what David did with the giant in his path. He ran towards him – No hesitation. I must stop there and realize what is happening in the natural and spiritual. I am certain that David did sweat, his heart raced and the adrenaline was pumping. He was prepared for what was to follow but not focusing
on his skills or experience. He declared that his God would kill the giant before he went into action. So, I say to myself, of what value is my sweat and effort ? I believe much, for it is my part often times, AFTER I acknowledge [ ” in all your ways acknowledge Him… ” ] that He will make a way [His part]. Sincerely Len Wisniewski – [email protected] Tucson Az.
Hi Len,
I love your distinction between the natural vs. supernatural lives.
Like Peter, we tend to look at the wind and waves around us rather than to him.
Thanks
“Crabbiness: You could probably measure my irritation on the Richter Scale.” Hilarious. Great article
I think that was my favorite line too. 🙂
Sam
I wonder if the remedy is more “practicing His Presence”? I know I start my day with a quiet time and then forget to think about God, much less invite Him into my situation until I go to bed. How superficial…:-(
Tom,
My wife and I talked about the same issue last week. We both had good prayer times in the morning. We wanted to talk about them that night … and we both forgot what had moved us! (Just being honest here.)
But there is a kind of daily bread to studying God’s Word. We may forget what we had for breakfast, but it still nourishes and changes us, bit by bit.
Sam
This is apt for me Sam, as I am in a job search. I decided in advance that if I find myself striving, I will stop and reconsider. Because God does not call us to strive in that way. I am allowing myself the peace of seeking only what I can do gracefully. That’s not to say I always do things gracefully, but it is my guidepost.
Hi Cynthia,
That’s great self-awareness. It usually takes me days to realize my sweatiness.
I AM praying for you and Timm.
Sam
Asking God to remove the stench of human sweat is probably a good first place to start. We’re even dependent on him for that. . . Although I and my children have mused about why God chooses to answer that sort of prayer as slowly as he does. . .
Hi Valerie,
Yes, asking him for that to begin with (and end with) is perfect. Our need is very great, even to acknowledge our need.
Sam
Well said, Sam! And I like your appropriate Quote from “My Utmost….”. It is indeed so true for me too, that when we think we have a certain skill set, we tend to rely on those, as you did, rather than seeking he Father. James 1:5 says.” if any of you lacks wisdom, you should ask God who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to you. (NIV)” The only catch to this instruction is that we first have to “humble ourselves” or admit that we don’t have it “all together”. Thanks