When I began Beliefs of the Heart, a friend suggested I adopt a Comment Policy. His site already had one, and I copied his policy almost word for word. The short version is: Keep comments short and sweet.
In the last twelve years, readers have posted about seven thousand comments. Out of those thousands, I have only deleted six, from five different people.
- I canned one comment because it was an advertisement for Ray Ban Sunglasses that had somehow eluded my spam filter.
- I deleted two comments that were twice as long as the article itself. I also sent both writers a copy of their remarks with suggestions for making the comments punchier. Both readers edited and reposted excellent comments.
- I erased one comment because it made the writer look foolish, and I felt sorry for her.
- I also removed two different comments from one reader because they were nasty. She called one reader a “moron with an elbow for a brain,” and she bullied another commenter, saying, “Why don’t you include your full name, you coward, so I can post it on Twitter and show the world what a fool you are.”
When I contacted the “nasty, bullying” commentor to explain my reasons, she replied, “Are your readers so thin-skinned that they cannot handle a little honest analysis?”
She Refused to See or Admit Her Fault
When this woman posted her comments, she included her website address, and I checked it out. A month earlier she had written an article criticizing the “Toxicity of Social Media.” (Literally four weeks earlier!)
She complained that people behave badly in many places: “Humans act with hostility everywhere, in bars and churches and airports and their own kitchens.” But she added, “The anonymity of the internet seems to draw out our worst possible denigrations. We mingle constructive criticism with bullying, oppression, mud-slinging, and verbal-violence.”
She ended her article with this hope: “Let’s create safe environments for meaningful dialogue between people who disagree.”
I emailed her again, complimenting her on the toxicity article. I also asked (I hope graciously) how she reconciled her article with publicly berating one reader as a “moron” and taunting another reader with threats of public exposure.
She refused to look inside. Instead she wrote: “How dare you question my heart, integrity, or intentions!”
It’s So Obvious
I deleted her nasty comments years ago, and I’ve wanted to write about it ever since. But something about the interchange nagged at me. I wondered, How could someone be so oblivious to their own hypocrisy? A few weeks ago, a friend posted this quote on Facebook:
Truly it is an evil to be full of faults; but it is a greater evil to be full of them and unwilling to recognize them, since that is to add the further fault of a voluntary illusion. (Blaise Pascal)
I immediately knew what haunted me about my interchange with the nasty comment writer: she was a mirror of myself.
It is so easy to see the faults in others (they are staring us in the face), but we ignore our own. I scrutinize (and meditate on) the specs in their eyes while bumbling around with a log in my own. I preach without practice.
So many faults are glaringly obvious. I find myself almost gloating with glee as I catalogue them. But what about my own harshness, criticism, and foolishness? Why am I so unwilling to be honest with myself?
Only God fully knows the hearts and stories of others, and only God has the wisdom to judge rightly. When I read Pascal’s quote, I feel the voice of God speaking graciously but firmly.
He says, “Sam, Get off my throne.”
Sam
God Doesn’t Need Our Greatness
Great honest post Sam. Everyone of us is in a transition of some sort, and our most important asset is to maintain an open teachable heart. When dealing with each other, I’m reminded of a quote by Robin Williams: “Be kind, everyone is fighting a battle you know nothing about”. Rather than making constant judgments and trying to remove the specks from our fellows eyes, love them through it, because LOVE never fails.
I heard it said, and it rang so true with me, that “We judge ourselves by our intentions, but others judge us by our actions.”
It has been my experience on this topic that Paul had some important things to say to go along with what John said
1) God is love – 1John 4:7
2) We’ve suppressed the knowledge of God – Romans 1:18
3) God’s kingdom labor is primarily to believe in the one whom he has sent – John 6:29
4) We use the law to excuse and accuse – Romans 2:14-15
We’ve suppressed the knowledge that we’re loved, and it is incredibly difficult to believe that our hope to be loved lies in someone other than ourselves. It is far easier to defend and accuse others in order to feel like we belong, are accepted, significant and loved.
Just my two cents, and we all know what two cents is worth.
Evil is anything God will not think, say, or do. So when we reach the place where loving and obeying His truth replaces any desire to participate in evil, we’ll know with certainty whose place it is to occupy the throne.
Wow…no need to say more. This was for me, too.
Agree, God has spoken this to my heart more than once:
“Who are you to pass judgment on the servant of another? It is before his own master that he stands or falls. And he will be upheld, for the Lord is able to make him stand.”
Romans 14:4 ESV
https://bible.com/bible/59/rom.14.4.ESV
Every one of us is programmed to avoid pain. Yet looking at ourselves honestly is frequently painful, so we avoid it. Frequently, we actually know about our personal mis-steps, but in trying to ignore them we tend to overcompensate and add error upon error.
For a follower of Christ, this dynamic is foolishness. Our god, if he is who he says he is, already knows the totality of our errors, and loves us anyway. If only we could see and do the same!
Ouch!
Sam,
I read every article you write and am grateful God gave you such a gift with words. You so often articulate exactly what I am feeling, or dig deep on an issue or sin that is hindering my growth. Please, keep shining your light bright in this world. You are God’s man and a blessing to many. As for the subject at hand….it all comes down to the heart. If the heart is hardened, there will be no growth or self reflection. It is not until God tenderizes us from the inside and gives us eyes to see that we recognize our sin, pride and self-righteousness. The heart is deceitful, but God can clean it out and make it new. I need heart help every day, and I pray He never lets up on me or my fickle sin-sick heart.
Blessings & gratitude brother.
Janet
Hi Janet,
THANK YOU SO MUCH for your kind words and your great encouragement.
They mean more to me that I can express.
Sam
How can we deem ourselves more righteous while reminding ourselves – “Surely there is no righteous man on earth who does good and never sins. ? Ecclesiastes 7:20
It’s the miracle of God. Just like “It’s harder for a rich man to enter the Kingdom than for a camel to go through the eye of a needle.”
With man it is impossible. With God, all things are possible.
Thanks