Archives For Confession

The Self-Centeredness of Unselfishness

June 11, 2013 — 14 Comments

[Click here for an audio version of this post: The Self-Centeredness of Unselfishness.]

Our romantic 30th anniversary trip to Italy began the same week Dan Brown published his latest book, Inferno (Italian for Hell). It was almost prophetic.

Carla and I have very different ideas of vacation. She likes cultural sites. I like scuba diving. She likes exploring museums. I like exploring shipwrecks. We are very different.

Our differences make it difficult to find a good place for anniversary getaways. We went nowhere for our 15th, 20th, and 25th anniversaries, except out for dinner. In the past we’ve had several family scuba vacations, so I agreed to a trip to Italy for our 30th.

On our first day in Italy we toured the Vatican Museum, the Sistine Chapel, and sveit0499sSt. Peter’s Basilica. On the second day we visited the Coliseum, the Roman Forum, and the Pantheon. After two days, I had walked 33,134 steps through museums and cultural sites, and I had seen approximately 4,741 masterpieces.

My flat feet ached. My fat brain overflowed. I was irritated and I didn’t hide it. I kept thinking, “I can’t take another twelve days of this!” Maybe I sulked. I was tiresome enough that Carla was thinking, “I can’t take another twelve days of him!”

The countless masterpieces were driving me nuts, and my sulkiness (I’m ashamed to admit) was driving Carla nuts.

Our first two days in Rome were hell.        Continue Reading…

In Beliefs of the Heart, Christianity, Confession, God's Love, God's view of us, Growing in intimacy with God, Pursuing an Inner Life, Self Esteem, Self Love , , , , , , , ,
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The Nearly Damnable Danger of “I’d Never Do That”

April 23, 2013 — 24 Comments

I used to work for a company that created software for publishers. It handled mail orders that were accompanied by checks, cash, or credit card information.

We had a balancing tool that ensured all the money that came into the mailroom was entered into the Grandmother holdup r2system and deposited in the bank. It protected against embezzlement.

In 1988 we installed the software at a large Christian publisher. When management heard of our checks and balances, they were appalled. They felt it questioned the integrity of their employees. They asked us to turn off the balancing feature.

A year later, a timid, gray-haired, rooster-pecked grandmother—a long-term employee of the publisher—stole fifteen thousand dollars.

Afterward I asked her, “Why?” She shyly stammered, “It was so easy. The money was just sitting there. It was just so darn easy.” She added,

“I’d heard of embezzlers before. I always said, ‘I’d never do that.’ And then I did.”

Her simple path to self-destruction    …      Continue Reading…

In Beliefs of the Heart, Christianity, Confession, Desire, God's Love, Identity, Self Esteem , , , , , , ,
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Why Don’t We Think First—For A Change

March 5, 2013 — 37 Comments

Several weeks ago I had an awful day in the middle of a horrible week in the midst of a bad month. A sniffle turned into post-nasal drip which turned into bronchitis—the third time in five months. When I inhaled, it felt like shards of glass shredding my lungs.

I canceled everything so6990615-sick-man-sleeping-on-office-table I could have some recovery time. Later, that same day, I ended up with six hours of unexpected, unscheduled, and exhausting meetings.

Now I was both sick and tired.

That same night an organization I belong to sent out its weekly email. Hidden in the email was the description of a decision that I considered a tactical blunder. So I dashed off a short email to the leaders asking them to reconsider.

Alas! I ended the email with this nasty, sarcastic dig:

Why don’t we think first? For a change.

The next morning several people emailed back, correcting me for my caustic comment.

My initial response was self-defense: I was sick. And their decision made little sense. And my day of recovery had been stolen. And besides, maybe they deserved it.

But that was just defensiveness. The truth was I had been a jerk. No one forced me to write those words.  They were unnecessary and inflammatory. And no one had a gun pointed at me when I pressed “send.” I was the one with a gun, pointing it at others.

Why didn’t I just think first? For a change.        Continue Reading…

In Beliefs of the Heart, Christianity, Confession, Getting glory, God's Love, God's view of us, Overcoming Sin, Self Esteem, Strength to face the day , , , , , , ,
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What’s The Problem With Christian Leadership?

December 10, 2012 — 28 Comments

A few years ago a good friend of mine listened to a set of my sermons. He offered me constructive criticism. He liked what I said, but he had one bit of advice:

“Don’t use so many personal stories about your own weaknesses.”

He believed that the best spiritual preacher in pulpit leadership comes through modeling a spiritual life. He thought sharing personal weaknesses undermines the effectiveness of a spiritual leader.

I disagree. I think sharing personal weaknesses strengthens the effectiveness of a spiritual leader. But it’s complicated.

The vulnerability extreme

My friend reminded me of a time (years ago) he and I went to hear a speaker. The speaker attracted crowds because of his “vulnerable” speaking. He was “authentic.”

passionate preachingAnd the sermon was vulnerable. It was a virtual vomit of vulnerability. But the speaker mostly just vented. He flaunted his feelings, he wept over his wounds, and he wailed over his wretchedness. It was emotional upchuck. (Though authentic.)

But his message wasn’t redeeming. He didn’t offer healing. He helped people share problems but didn’t address then. He helped others admit their issues but he didn’t help solve them. The resulting culture was, “The world’s a mess. I’m a mess. Deal with it.”

My friend and I witnessed this firsthand. It was a revolting rant with no redemption. Continue Reading…

In Beliefs of the Heart, Christian Leadership, Christianity, Confession, God's Love, Importance, Overcoming Sin , , , , ,
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The Spiritual Quagmire of Self-Esteem

August 28, 2012 — 29 Comments

The Times of London once asked leading British intellectuals to write an essay answering this question, “What is wrong with the world?” G. K. Chesterton responded with a postcard,

     Dear Sirs,
     I am.
     Sincerely yours,
     G.K. Chesterton

I think that’s right. He is the problem. I mean, I am. (The former slips out so easily, doesn’t it? Isn’t the problem with the world everybody else?)

Chesterton’s response challenges our modern Self-esteem philosophy. We’re taught to build up our self-esteem, to feel we are worthwhile, to believe in our value.

Yet cracks are forming in the self-esteem movement. Loren Slater, a psychologist and writer, wrote a critique of self-esteem. In it she says,

There is enough evidence from 20 years of studies to conclude that people with high self-esteem pose a greater threat to people around them than people with low self-esteem, and low self-esteem is not the source of any of our country’s biggest problems. (The Problem With Self-Esteem)

I think Chesterton would agree with Slater’s observation, that “low self-esteem is not the source of any of our country’s biggest problems.”

Because we are.

Grasping for self-esteem (or self-worth) is a way of trying to get glory from something other than God, and it always, inevitably, fails miserably. Let’s look at two examples from scripture. Continue Reading…

In Beliefs of the Heart, Christianity, Confession, Getting glory, God's Love, How we view ourselves, Self Esteem , , , ,
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Does Our Moral Teaching Create Selfishness?

August 21, 2012 — 23 Comments

When I was nine or ten years of age, I hit my sister. (I’m sure she deserved it).

My parents were not happy. They sat me on the sofa. They told me that my behavior was unacceptable. They asked me if I wanted to be the kind of person who retaliated with violence.

And then they orchestrated unpleasant consequences.

I don’t remember the actual consequences of that day, but whatever they were, they worked. I never again retaliated with violence.

But look at the motivations for my morality. My parents appealed to my identity (I didn’t want to be THAT kind of person), and they appealed to my comfort (I didn’t want to experience THOSE kinds of consequences).

In other words, my parents taught me morality by appealing to my self-centeredness. Continue Reading…

In Beliefs of the Heart, Confession, Desire, God's pursuit of our heart, Jonah, Legalism , , , , ,
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Today I Heard God Tell Me, “You Dah Man”

July 16, 2012 — 32 Comments

Years ago I worked with a man who had an insatiable desire to impress. When he gave presentations, he never used a one-syllable word when a four-syllable word was at hand (or at least on the shelf). When he told me of his client visits, he eulogized his eloquence and waxed lyrical about his wisdom.

Self-acclaim obscured clarity; self-admiration overshadowed expression; and self-tribute was always the topic. When he did something well, he made sure you knew it.

You may know someone like him.

I’m not sure what got me thinking about him today, but my mind kept replaying past scenes of his self-praise.

Later on I read the story of the prophet Nathan addressing King David after David’s adultery. Nathan tells the story of a rich man with many flocks stealing a poor man’s deeply beloved and only lamb. David was enraged at the injustice. Then Nathan said,

“Thou art the man” (2 Samuel 12:7, KJV).

As I thought of my impression-needy friend, I heard God say, “Sam, Thou art the man” It was an arrow in the heart. (You’ve got to hear it in King James English) Continue Reading…

In Beliefs of the Heart, Calling, Christianity, Getting glory, Hearing God, Pursuing an Inner Life, Satisfaction, Strength to face the day , , , , , , ,
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Confession before Repentance: Pausing in the moment

January 31, 2011 — 15 Comments

Most people understand that some sort of repentance powers the process through which we restore broken relationships. But God has been speaking to me about the secret of “confession before” as a special way of knowing God’s love. God has been teaching me the value of pausing in the moment of confession.


Video length: 2 minutes 49 seconds

If you want to know more, I wrote an article on what I have been learning and I spoke on it as well.

Here is the article: Confession before Repentance: Pausing in the moment

Here is the talk: Nakedness Fig Leaves Skins and Joy

In Confession, God's Love, Growing in intimacy with God , ,
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